Personality Differences in Dogs and Humans

Our grand-dogs, Ellie and Lilly

While our daughter and her new husband were enjoying their honeymoon recently, my husband Lee and I agreed to house- and dog-sit for them. They have two sweet, well-behaved beagles who provided lots of entertainment during that time.

Ellie is outgoing and eager for affection. When you walk in the door, she greets you with an enthusiastic leap in the air and plenty of licks. She never tires of being petted and likes to get right next to you when you sit down. Outdoors, she becomes transformed into a focused, determined squirrel tracker.

Lilly, on the other hand, is much more shy and reserved. She retreats from strangers and doesn’t like to be petted until she feels comfortable with you. Once she warms up to you, though, she is playful and affectionate. When she’s out for a walk, she stops frequently to sniff but never tracks animals the way Ellie does.

Their differences in personality reminded me of the wide variation that exists among humans as well. 

If you lead a team of people, you want to treat everyone fairly. But you have to recognize the unique strengths, motivators and needs of each person to get the best possible performance and results. And each person responds quite differently to your style of communicating and leading.

If you’re a parent with more than one child, you may sometimes marvel at the differences in your children. You want to be consistent in your parenting so they don’t feel you favor one child over another. At the same time, you need to be sensitive to the kind of structure and discipline that supports each of them growing into their full potential.

And of critical importance, you must be aware of your own personality and individual preferences. 

The lens through which you view the world can have a huge influence on the way you approach and interact with others. You could get frustrated and impatient because they don’t think the way you do or handle situations the way you would. They might make hasty decisions or deliberate too long over options. Maybe someone is too loud for your taste…or too quiet.

Whenever other human beings exhibit behaviors that are not like you, you have a choice. You can get annoyed and wish they would change, leaving yourself open to frustration and resentment. Or you can appreciate their qualities and celebrate the differences between you.

When you choose to celebrate, you open yourself up to the joys that can only come from getting outside yourself and appreciating the world as seen through another’s eyes.

"If you approach each new person you meet in a spirit of adventure, you will find yourself endlessly fascinated by the new channels of thought and experience and personality that you encounter." - Eleanor Roosevelt, American diplomat (1884-1962)

Teaching Financial Responsibility to Teens

When Alison was in high school and had just started driving, she announced to her dad and me one night that she thought she should have her own credit card.

Us: “Why do you think you need a credit card at age 17?”

Alison: “Because Ashley’s parents just got her one so she could fuel up her car and not worry about having to carry a lot of cash.”  

That simple statement opened the door to talk about credit cards and who should be paying for the gas. We had a lengthy conversation about money, spending and financial responsibility.

In the end, we decided that a credit card was not in her (or our) best interest at the moment. Instead, setting up her own checking account with a debit card seemed a more appropriate solution.

It was one of the best decisions we ever made as parents.

Alison checked around and found a bank that would let her open an account in her name only, so she could operate it independent of us. The debit card prevented her from spending more money than she had in the account, though a couple of times she experienced the pain of overdraft fines. She quickly learned to monitor her balance to avoid that unnecessary expense in the future.

Using a debit card was the perfect introduction to money management. She learned to live within her means. She couldn’t buy something on impulse unless she was sure she had the money on hand to pay for it.

When she left for college, Alison still had that bank account and debit card system. She didn’t apply for her first credit card until her second year, when she had regular income from a part-time job. She faithfully paid off the balance each month to avoid paying interest.

I remember her telling us that she chose to keep a $500 limit, even when the credit card company offered to let her increase it to $1,500. She didn’t want to be tempted to put charges on the card that she couldn’t pay on the due date. We were very proud of her and affirmed her wise decision.

Contrast this with parents who give their kids their own credit card in high school or college. If Mom and Dad always pick up the tab, the young person doesn’t make the connection between incurring expenses and having to come up with the money to pay the bill.

These actions can have consequences that last a lifetime. If young people don’t learn how to manage money at an early age, they enter adulthood without one of the most important life skills they’ll ever need.

A widespread problem

I’ll never forget the parent orientation session my husband Lee and I attended at UVA the summer before Alison began her first year.

One of the professors told us that every fall, the first year students are gathered in a large room. He then described what happens when they’re asked to respond to these three questions.

Raise your hand if your parents have talked with you about SEX. Most hands go up.

Raise your hand if your parents have talked with you about DRINKING AND DRUGS. Again, most hands go up.

Raise your hand if your parents have talked with you about MONEY and MONEY MANAGEMENT. Very few hands go up.

Lee and I had invested far more time over the years talking with Alison about money than the other subjects, so we were surprised that we were in the minority.

All these topics are obviously very important to address with children as they’re growing up.

If you have kids, no matter what age they are, you are the primary person responsible for teaching them how to handle money.

What steps are you taking to help them learn a vital skill they will need every day of their adult life?