"Professional Football Player" Is an Oxymoron in Some Cases

I’m a big fan of college sports, especially college basketball. I only watch professional sports on occasion. After what I’ve seen recently, I’m very glad that’s the case.

In one recent NFL game, a receiver caught a pass near the sideline of the opposing team. Afterwards, he tossed the football at one of the assistant coaches and then proceeded to make taunting gestures at him.

In another game, a player caught the football in the end zone and scored a touchdown. He was standing when he made the catch, but afterwards he dramatically fell on his back, then jumped up and started beating his chest and prancing around.

In both cases, the officials threw penalty flags. But the 10- or 15-yard penalties seemed minor consequences compared to the disregard shown to the other team and the fans.

Other times players even threw punches at each other. Some of these resulted in penalties but others did not.

I found myself asking, “Why do the coaches tolerate this kind of behavior? Why don’t they make these players sit out the rest of the game…at a MINIMUM?”

Players who lack self-control and composure need to be held accountable for their actions. Period. If they’re allowed to act this way on the field, what else might they do?

I learned something from the business world that applies to sports teams as well: The standard is set by the lowest-performing person on the team. 

In sports, when someone gets away with showing off or using violence, the other players take note of that. If no serious consequences occur, then others may do something even more outrageous to see just how far they can go.

Why I object to players exhibiting such unprofessional behavior... 

1 - They forget they’re part of a team.

The flagrant disregard for the impact their actions might have on their team shows lack of respect and consideration. They’re concerned only about what feels good to them at that moment. I suspect this narcissistic approach is not limited to the football field.

2 - They set a poor example for young viewers.

People who play professional sports have a responsibility to their fans. Whether they want to be or not, they serve as role models for those who watch their games. Kids in particular are paying close attention to what they say and do…and what happens (or doesn’t happen) as a result.

I would like to see more team owners and coaches take a stronger stand against the actions of self-centered players who disregard the greater good in favor of their own wants and desires.

The truly outstanding coaches understand that they are not just trying to win games. They will win more games when they recognize they have a responsibility to develop human beings who strive for excellence and work hard to be a positive influence in the world.

Thanksgiving and Gratitude

This time of year, we are often reminded to count our blessings and reflect on what we’re thankful for.

It’s actually an even better idea to establish a daily practice of gratitude. When we’re caught up in the problems we face each day, it’s easy to lose sight of the good things that are right in front of us.

Taking time first thing in the morning or at the end of the day to write down the top 5 or 10 things you are thankful for is a powerful exercise. It changes the way you perceive the world and think about what happens to you.

To help you shift into that “attitude of gratitude,” here are some of my favorite quotes on the topic...

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” – Charles Dickens, British novelist (1812-1879)  

“Gratitude is the heart’s memory.” – French Proverb 

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher (1875-1965) 

“Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” – Gertrude Stein, American novelist (1874-1946) 

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." – Oprah Winfrey, American actress (1954- ) 

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” – Mother Teresa, Indian humanitarian (1910-1997) 

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust, French novelist (1871-1922)

Changing a Bad Habit: From Dirt Road to Superhighway

If you’ve ever tried to change a bad habit, you know how hard that can be. But you may not know why.

Your established behavior pattern is like a familiar, well-traveled road. You’ve used it for so long that the turns and stops are practically automatic. But somewhere along the line, you’ve realized your habitual way of doing things is causing problems for you, so you decide to learn a better way.

Rationally, you may acknowledge that creating the new way will be worth the effort. It will be faster, easier and more efficient…and will produce much better results. But it’s not easy to get there because you’re trying to do something different and unfamiliar.

The problem is, in order to make the change, you have to literally rewire your brain. Over time, doing things the old way caused your brain to connect up a physical circuit. And your brain doesn’t stop using it just because you decide you want to do something different.  You won’t stop using this old circuit until you establish a new one. You’re going to have to build a brand new super-highway.

But building these new connections is like starting with a dirt road. Construction of a new habit is going to take time – from several weeks to months – just as a road construction project doesn’t happen overnight. It’s going to be a bumpy, rough ride at first because the new behavior feels awkward.

And you have that old, comfortable, familiar road competing for your attention. When you experience setbacks, it will be very tempting to revert back to it.

In the early stages, you can get discouraged, For one thing, you may not appreciate how much time is required to establish a new habit. And there’s a lengthy awkward phase that’s a natural part of the process. You might feel clumsy and forgetful.

This is a vulnerable time, because progress may be so gradual that it seems like you’re not getting anywhere. When setbacks and frustrations happen, you’ll be tempted to go back to your old, familiar way. A lot of people give up at this point.

You’ve reached what we call the “Crunch Point.” My business partner Denny Coates explains how to “Get Past the Crunch Point” if you’re serious about changing a behavior.

What you probably don’t realize is that if you persist when the going gets rough, if you just keep trying in spite of the failures and disappointments, your success rate will gradually improve and your brain will eventually rewire itself. The construction of your superhighway will be complete – your new habit is now ingrained.

"Overnight success stories take a long time." - Steve Jobs (American business leader, 1955-2011)

Stop Criticizing Other People

Steven Pressfield’s brilliant book about overcoming resistance, The War of Art, contains this profound piece of wisdom about criticism:

"Individuals who are realized in their own lives almost never criticize others. If they speak at all, it is to offer encouragement."

As Your Voice of Encouragement, I am keenly interested in finding ways to uplift others. And this quote explains why some people find that easy to do, while others do not.

If you tend to think or speak critically about others, there’s something going on within you that needs to be examined. There is some aspect of your own self that you find unacceptable, but you may not want to look in the mirror. It’s much easier to turn your attention outward and find fault with those around you.

Very likely, your own inner critic is hard at work pointing out your short-comings and emphasizing your mistakes. It’s painful to listen to this kind of chatter. So when that happens, you may be quick to judge the actions of others.

The Downsides

It’s one thing to give others constructive feedback about a specific action. It’s quite another to continually point out perceived flaws. Often, the criticism centers around them doing something differently from the way you would have done it. You feel the need to explain what’s wrong with their approach and rationalize that you’re trying to be helpful.

But expressing disapproval this way rarely works.

I know, because I’ve done this myself more times than I can count. And it turns out badly every time. The other person resents being evaluated and judged, because that’s how it feels no matter what spin you try to put on it. Trust gets threatened because they aren’t sure you’re really in their corner.

Asking questions instead of making overtly disparaging statements does not guarantee you’ve got it right either. For example, starting a question with “Why” is often disguised criticism.

"Why are you doing it that way?"
"Why didn't you show some consideration for me?"
"Why don't you stop [smoking, drinking, etc.]?"

The unspoken message is, “You’re wrong and I’m right.” 

So when you ask “Why” questions, expect a defensive reaction. If you don’t believe me, start monitoring your own reaction when you get asked this kind of question.

When people feel defensive, the walls go up. You’re unlikely to connect at a level of honesty and openness. Over time, if you continue finding fault – or even worse, belittling them in front of others – they will withdraw emotionally and your relationship will be superficial at best.

The Take-away

When you feel comfortable in your own skin, you’re not threatened or offended by the imperfections you see in others. You know how difficult it is to deal with life’s daily challenges because you’ve had to weather them yourself.

Having a deep conviction that you matter makes it easier to show compassion and patience to the people you care about. You won't need to criticize and judge them. Instead, you'll look for ways to build them up and expand their view of themselves.

“Practice treating other people as if they had value, and surprisingly, your own self-esteem will go up.” – Maxwell Maltz in The New Psycho-Cybernetics

Self-Discipline – The Key to Productivity

Dan Kennedy and me at Glazer-Kennedy SuperConference

Dan Kennedy, a marketing mentor to entrepreneurs and small businesses, is one of the most prolific writers I know. He publishes one or two books each year and contributes original articles to several newsletters every month. People are amazed at the number of written words he’s able to produce in a single year.

Now Dan will be the first to tell you that he enjoys goofing off as much as anyone else. So what’s his secret to achieving such consistently high levels of performance? Working to deadlines. He uses what he calls “self-imposed” discipline to complete his ambitious task list each day.

What you should do is often at odds with what you want to do. It’s tough to stay on track and follow through, especially when you could be doing something more fun. That’s why many people don't reach their goals – they’re just not willing to say NO to the easy stuff and YES to the hard stuff often enough.

But when you don’t impose discipline on yourself, you can’t achieve the long-term results you want. Your self-respect suffers because you let yourself down and you lose confidence in your ability to get things done.

So what’s the solution? The first step is to recognize that self-control has to come from within you. No one else can give you discipline. Don’t blame circumstances or other people for your failure to stay on track. Take full responsibility for what you want to achieve.

Next, make a conscious decision to control your thoughts and your actions. Put yourself under a self-imposed plan with start times, stop times and deadlines. Then stick with your schedule, even when you’re tired or you feel lazy. Just say no to other activities and do what you committed to do.

Finally, keep track. Measure your progress at the end of each day, and hold yourself accountable for what you accomplished. At the same time, review the payoffs you got from completing these tasks. This will fuel your motivation and help you stick with your plan.

These steps will not help you, though, unless you have a big “WHY.” You must have a vision or goal that’s significant enough to drive you to do what you need to do, even when you don’t feel like it. Figure out your purpose, and you’ll be amazed at the self-discipline you can apply.

“How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most.” – Stephen Covey, American author (1932- )