Hurricane Irene and Unexpected Visitors

Photo by Kathleen Scott. Used with permission.

We live in southeastern Virginia, so we’d been tracking the path of Hurricane Irene for days before it arrived on Saturday, August 27th. On Friday my husband Lee moved the table, chairs and charcoal grill off the deck and into the garage.

Everything was put away…except the hummingbird feeder. And that’s because we’ve had three active visitors from dawn to dusk the past few weeks. Maybe even later, for all we know. We can’t see what happens after dark.

We just knew these little Ruby-throated Hummingbirds depended on us to supply them with sweet nectar, and we didn’t want to let them down.

You see, to stay alive, hummingbirds must consume more than their weight in food each day. That means they eat quite often because they can only take in small amounts at any given time. In fact, their survival depends on eating frequently more than any other animal. They continually face the danger of starving.

So we were going to wait and take the feeder down Saturday, after they’d had their early morning feeding. We figured they’d hunker down somewhere once the rain and wind started in earnest.

But we were in for a surprise.

The hummingbirds arrived early, as expected. They were already at the feeder when we looked out the breakfast nook windows at 6:00am. But their visits didn’t stop even when the rain and wind arrived. We decided to leave the feeder up, just to make sure they had a source of food in case they ventured out during the storm. Lee went out and tied the feeder to the pole it was hanging from, to make sure it didn’t blow off.

Torrents of rain came down at times, with wind gusting to 60 mph. We stared in amazement as the hummingbirds continued coming to the feeder throughout the entire day.

Their tenacity in the face of severe weather was truly inspiring.

Such tiny creatures.

Such a huge adversary.

And yet, they were never deterred. They simply ignored the constant assault. In fact, they seemed oblivious to it!

This display of courage and perseverance got me to thinking…

As humans, we allow ourselves to get discouraged too easily. When we face a difficult situation, instead of staring it in the face and moving forward anyway, we often back off or even give up. If someone pushes back against our ideas or actions, we retreat.

What would happen if we adopted the tiny hummingbird’s attitude?

Be tough. Be strong. Even when you’re up against a fierce opponent. Be willing to look adversity in the face and do the hard things anyway.

If you adopt this approach, your confidence will grow and you’ll be ready to handle even greater challenges when Mother Nature or the people in your life throw the unexpected your way.

A footnote…

I didn’t have the proper equipment to film our three visitors that day, but this YouTube video shows the same kind of activity that we observed. I hope you’ll be inspired to have the same energy and tenacity these Hummingbirds display during a thunderstorm.

Insights from an Incident with Yellow Jackets

My husband jerked up his head when he heard me shriek and saw me running towards the garage. He was getting ready to spray weed-killer in the beds, and I had been pulling out weeds close to the plants, where he couldn’t spray. I had just yanked out one that was near a small hole in the ground, which I assumed was used only by the moles that burrow endless tunnels under our yard.

But I was wrong.

Because right after I pulled that weed, a swarm of angry yellow jackets emerged from the hole. As soon as I saw them, I dropped my tools and sprinted for the garage.

Not fast enough, though.

One of those critters stung me on my thumb, through my gardening glove, and refused to let go until I plucked it off. But the damage was done and my thumb immediately started throbbing.

I scurried into the house and applied all the various treatments I’d heard of – raw onion, baking soda, ice – but none of them reduced the swelling or pain.

I’m not allergic to bee stings like my mother, thankfully. And I was grateful I didn’t get multiple stings.  But still, the discomfort persisted and I was distracted by the pain.

I was tempted to quit working in the yard right after that incident for fear of getting stung again.

But then I recognized my fear was irrational, that other parts of the yard were perfectly safe for me to work in. So I resumed my weeding in a different bed.

What happens in life…

You may not experience a physical pain like a bee sting, yet a significant setback or disappointment can create a similar reaction. You’re tempted to withdraw and avoid situations that might expose you to additional discomfort or hurt in the future.

And that can be a smart choice if there’s real danger to your well-being.

But sometimes the threat is not as great as you imagine. Your mind can conjure up all kinds of scenarios based on a single incident, and you end up over-generalizing. You assume that having a problem in this situation will be true of all future situations. You’re afraid of encountering the same type of pain going forward, so you decide that the best approach is to retreat.

This could happen in any number of areas in your life…

• You have a negative experience with one boss or business partner and assume you can't trust any future bosses/partners. 
• A presentation/sales call doesn’t go well and you lose your confidence. Now you’re afraid you won’t be able to convince anyone to buy your ideas or products.
• An intimate relationship or marriage fails and you write off any possibility of establishing a positive, healthy relationship. You’re convinced that you’re destined to have relationships that turn out badly. 

What’s the solution?

When you have a bad experience, remind yourself that this one situation does not define who you are or what you’re capable of. Or what you're destined for in the future.

Remember that our brains are hard-wired from ancient times for “fight-or-flight.” But the brain has evolved, and you’re able to apply rational thinking to evaluate what’s happening and respond with logic, not emotion. You can learn to recognize when you’re applying old, outdated ideas to a new situation and make a different choice.

The key is to take time to reflect on what happened and learn from the experience. Apply those “lessons learned” to future situations so you remain open to opportunities and don’t repeat mistakes you made.

When you do this, you’re more likely to take risks because you’ll have the confidence that you can make better choices and informed decisions.

Is Guilt Your First Reaction?

It was the spring of my junior year in high school, and I was sitting in English class. One of the student aides from the principal’s office came to the door and asked the teacher if I could be excused.

When I got out in the hall with her, she simply said that the principal wanted to see me. She couldn’t tell me why.

Immediately, a feeling of guilt washed over me. What had I done? What was I in trouble for?

My heart was racing, and my hands were sweating as we walked silently to the office. I’d never been summoned to the principal’s office before. What was going on? 

When I entered his office, I was shaking inside and hoped he couldn’t detect how nervous I was.

He looked at me and then came around from behind his desk. He wasn’t frowning, but he wasn’t smiling either. I still had no clue about why I was there.

Then he broke into a big grin and said, “Congratulations. You’re one of three girls in your class of 550 who’s been selected to attend Girls State this summer.”

I was floored. It took me a few minutes to recover.

When you expect bad news and hear something positive instead, your thoughts and emotions have to switch gears. The adrenaline rushing through my body had been preparing for flight or fight, not celebration. I nearly cried from relief.

I wasn’t in trouble after all!

I didn’t hear the next words he spoke as my mind processed his initial pronouncement. I didn’t even know what Girls State was at that moment. But I understood it was an honor and not a punishment.

It’s interesting that the day I learned of my selection is etched so powerfully in my memory.

Why that incident stands out

Our brains retain vivid memories of events that carry strong emotions with them, and the anticipation of meeting with the principal was one of those times for me.

Years later, I’m still processing the lessons from that experience because there are still too many occasions when my first response to a situation is GUILT. Even when I haven’t done anything to feel guilty about!

I could endlessly analyze the reasons why this happens, but that kind of examination of the past is not a productive use of my thinking, my energy or my time.

Instead, I needed to devise some ways to stop the automatic “guilt” response while still taking responsibility for what I say and do.

How to avoid the guilt trip

If you tend to suffer from excessive feelings of guilt or shame, ask yourself these questions to remove the emotion and take a more logical approach:

• What has just happened? What are the facts?
• Have I said or done anything to feel guilty about?
• What is the appropriate (emotionally healthy) response in this situation?

A realistic assessment of your own role is vital in determining what you should do next.

If you do have a reason to feel guilty, figure out who was affected by your behavior. Then quickly approach the person(s) involved and make amends. Do what you can to set things right so you regain their trust and confidence…AND keep your self-respect and self-image intact.

If you haven’t done anything wrong, then don’t allow anyone (including yourself) to make you feel guilty. Affirm your strengths and what you’ve done well under the circumstances. It also helps to take several deep breaths to let go of the negative feelings.

The real key is to develop greater self-awareness so you immediately sense when you’re experiencing negative emotions like guilt or shame. If you don’t recognize them, you won’t be able to do anything about them.

The Secret of Persuasion

If you want to persuade other people to do something, trying to talk them into it doesn’t usually elicit a positive response. Years ago when making a sales presentation, I discovered an approach that works like magic to reduce resistance. And there’s no manipulation or arguing involved…



The next time you’re in a situation where you need to influence someone to take the action you want, stop and think about what you can do first to learn what’s important to that person.

“I don’t know the rules of grammar. If you’re trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language.” – David Ogilvy, British advertising executive (1911-1999)

 “If you wish to win a man over to your ideas, first make him your friend.” – Abraham Lincoln, American president (1809-1865)

“Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.” – Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384 BC – 322 BC)

“You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.” – John Morely, British statesman (1838-1923)