Patience - Manage Your Expectations of People and Events

When you’re trying to make things happen, you can get frustrated if people or situations slow you down. You achieve peace of mind by recognizing what you can and cannot change.



What types of people and situations “try” your patience? How can you adjust your attitude and expectations so they don’t bother you as much?

"Give wind and tide a chance to change." - Richard Byrd, American explorer

“Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius.” - Benjamin Disraeli, British statesman

"No great thing is created suddenly.” - Epictetus, Greek philosopher

"The twin killers of success are impatience and greed." - Jim Rohn, American author

“God give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed; courage to change the things that should be changed; and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.” - Reinhold Niehbuhr, American theologian

SERVICE - Give Your Time and Talent to Benefit Others

With all the demands in your own life, you may wonder how to squeeze in time to volunteer. But getting involved in a worthy cause can bring rewards that last beyond your lifetime.



How can you be of service to others on a daily basis?

“One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.” - Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher

"Give back and be a positive influence on others. That's all you can do; take what you've been given and spread it around." - Denzel Washington, American actor

"From what we get in life, we make a living. From what we give, we make a life." - Arthur Ashe, American professional tennis player

“The ultimate aim of the hero’s quest must be neither release nor ecstasy for oneself, but the wisdom and power to serve others.” - Joseph Campbell, American anthropologist

Top Tip: Master ONE Skill at a Time

"Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential." - Bruce Lee, Chinese actor

I've been an over-achiever for as long as I can remember. I was never satisfied with average grades. I wanted to excel in every job I ever had, not just show up for work. And as an entrepreneur since 1982, if there was something new to learn that would help me or my business become stronger or more effective, I wanted to know about it and figure out how to implement it.

But if you're a success-oriented person, too, you know that you can get into trouble at times with this kind of approach. Do you ever get overwhelmed by the sheer number of skills you want to master or the behaviors you want to change? Maybe you have an unrealistic expectation about what you can reasonably learn in a given period of time. Or you try to do many things at once and don't end up doing well at any of them.

If any of this sounds familiar, you'll appreciate the tips that Denny Coates shares in this final segment of my interview series with him. You'll get encouragement for combining lifelong learning with a sensible approach that helps you achieve the results you're hoping for.



What's your approach to learning a new skill? If you find yourself trying to take on too many at once, you'll get better results if you pursue ONE at a time.

You can watch the seven others videos here…

#1 – 4 Vital Things Every Leader Must Do

#2 – Why People Usually DON’T Give Their Best Effort

#3 – Leader Skills Are NOT Enough

#4 - Leaders Learn Best ON THE JOB, Not in the Classroom 

#5 - Why Leadership Habits Take Time to Ingrain

#6 - Learn from Experience with 5 Magic Questions

#7 - Why Leader Skills Are Also Life Skills

Fairness – Treat Others with Respect

It’s easy to judge or criticize people whose backgrounds or opinions differ from ours. But you can learn from everyone you encounter when you show them consideration and courtesy.



How can you show others that you value and respect them when you’re interacting with them?

“The best index to a person’s character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back.” - Abigail Van Buren, American columnist

“Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important.’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.” - Mary Kay Ash, American business leader

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” - Eric Hoffer, American philosopher

"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope." - Robert F. Kennedy, American politician

Why Leadership Skills Are Also LIFE Skills

“Almost everything in leadership comes back to relationships." - Mike Krzyzewski, American NCAA basketball coach

When you think of someone who is truly a great leader, chances are that individual is also an outstanding human being in every area of his or her life. That’s because the people skills required to be effective in leading others are also needed when you relate to those outside of work.

Whether or not your title places you in a formal leadership position, you need to get things done through others. That means you’re trying to get people to follow you at some point – whether it’s a colleague, client, significant other or child.

Your ability to listen, receive feedback, and resolve conflict, for example, come in handy whether you’re dealing with a coworker who’s upset or responding to a child who doesn’t want to carry out instructions you’ve just given.

In this 7th segment of my interview series with Denny Coates, you’ll learn how both people skills and personal strengths are used in every aspect of a person’s life.



Do you find it easy to transfer the skills you use at work over to your home life…and vice versa?

In case you missed the first six videos…

#1 – 4 Vital Things Every Leader Must Do

#2 – Why People Usually DON’T Give Their Best Effort

#3 – Leader Skills Are NOT Enough

#4 - Leaders Learn Best ON THE JOB, Not in the Classroom 

#5 - Why Leadership Habits Take Time to Ingrain

#6 - Learn from Experience with 5 Magic Questions

Giving Support - The Fourth Step of Encouragement

In earlier posts, I detailed the first three steps of encouragement: LISTENING, AFFIRMING and  OFFERING PERSPECTIVE. There’s a final element that you’ll want to include as you wrap up the conversation: SUPPORT.

When a person is discouraged, she often feels alone. The perception is that she’s got to handle the situation by herself.

If you’ve completed the first three steps well, you’ve helped her get a balanced view of herself and the current challenge. In the final step you remind her that she doesn’t have to go it alone.

You were there for her before this setback, and you haven’t withdrawn your support. You let her know that you still believe in her and care about her well-being and success.

You could say, “Let me know if I can help. I’m here for you.”

That reassurance gives the person permission to come back to you if she continues to experience difficulties or additional setbacks. It’s a huge relief to know she’s got someone in her corner.

It’s also a good idea to ask, “What do you need from me now? What would support look like?”

These questions prevent you from making assumptions about the type of support that would be most helpful to this particular individual. Letting her tell you requires her to think about – and then articulate – what would be helpful to her going forward.

If you follow these four steps when someone needs encouragement, you’ll be in a position to give them a gift that lasts a lifetime. You’ll convey that you genuinely care and understand. And the desire to be understood is one of the core needs of every human being.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” - Leo Buscaglia, American author 

5 Questions That Help You Learn from Experience

Not long ago I was at an out-of-town conference that included an evening networking event. All of us in the room had 60 seconds to introduce ourselves and explain how our product or service could benefit the others. Even though I had given thought to what I would say, after I had my turn I wasn't pleased with what I communicated.

When I returned to my room, I was disappointed in myself. But then I remembered the five questions that Denny Coates describes in this interview. I wrote answers to each one. That process not only helped me analyze the experience. I was also able to let go of any negative feelings I had about what I did and maintain a positive attitude during the rest of the conference. If I hadn't made the effort to do that, I might have wasted valuable time replaying the scene and criticizing myself. That would have robbed me of the opportunity to focus on positive interactions with people during the rest of the event.

These are the most important questions you can ask yourself to learn from the positive and negative experiences you have in your life.



Next time you have an experience that doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped, take time to answer these five magic questions and you'll gain valuable insights that will help you in future situations.

In case you missed them, you can watch the first five videos in this interview series here:

#1 – 4 Vital Things Every Leader Must Do

#2 – Why People Usually DON’T Give Their Best Effort

#3 – Leader Skills Are NOT Enough

#4 - Leaders Learn Best ON THE JOB, Not in the Classroom 

#5 - Why Leadership Habits Take Time to Ingrain

Decisiveness - Choose Your Best Option at the Right Time

When you need to make a choice, the fear of being wrong can paralyze you. The best approach is to think about the risks and rewards before taking action. Learn the three steps to take when you’re not sure what to do.



What strategies do you use to evaluate options when you need to make an important decision?

"The minute you choose to do what you really want to do, it's a different kind of life." - Buckminster Fuller, American architect 

"When a thing is done, it's done. Don't look back. Look forward to your next objective." - George C. Marshall, American general 

“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.” - Ivan Turgenev, Russian novelist 

“There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision.” - William James, American psychologist